Breaking news from across the pond: in this time of Brexit, Marvel will bring much needed good news to the United Kingdom by introducing CAPTAIN BRITAIN in Avengers: Endgame!

That’s right, Brian Braddock, in his trademark Union Jack costume, will bring some much-needed gravitas, stability, and fortitude to the fight against Thanos, as is befitting the glorious history and tradition of his home country.

Splendid!

Plus, in a gesture of goodwill to Her Majesty’s government, Marvel has agreed to contribute £350 million each year to the National Health Service!

Jolly good!

UPDATE #1: We regret to inform you that, due to an accounting error, the National Health Service will actually owe Marvel £3 million in exchange for 3 second of screen time of an NHS logo.

UPDATE #2: We regret to inform you that Captain Britain’s participation in Avengers: Endgame is actually subject to Parliamentary approval. Please stand by.

UPDATE #3: We regret to inform you that, due to the United Kingdom’s ongoing membership in the European Union, Captain Britain’s participation in Avengers: Endgame is subject to Eurpean Parliamentary approval as well. Please stand by.

UPDATE #4: We regret to inform you that the Prime Minister has delayed the vote on Captain Britain. Please stand by.

UPDATE #5: We regret to inform you that Parliament has voted against the Captain Britain Join Act. Please stand by.

UPDATE #6: We regret to inform you that Parliament has again voted against the Captain Britain Join Act. Please stand by.

UPDATE #7: Capital news! The Prime Minister has agreed to resign if the Captain Britain Join Act passes Parliament. This will surely break the logjam, and we will finally see Captain Britain on the big screen!

UPDATE #8: We regret to inform you that Parliament has again voted against the Captain Britain Join Act. Please stand by.

UPDATE #9: We regret to inform you that Thanos has destroyed the United Kingdom, shortly after Parliament finally approved a Brexit deal. Captain Britain, or Britain, for that matter, will no longer appear in Avengers: Endgame.

There shall be no further updates.