Underthinking It: A Beginner’s Guide to Mozfarting

Mozfarting is the new thing. It is like doing the Dougie, except now I will teach you how to do it cause nobody taught me how to Dougie even though I asked like a million times. Mozfarting is when Mozart is playing and you fart. It is like ghost riding the whip, except you are farting and the car is playing Mozart and the car and not driving it are optional.

If you didn’t know what Mozart is, this is Mozart.

If you farted like twice you are as good at Mozfarting as me. If you farted once or only like one good time and another time where you said it counted but it totally didn’t count, you are not as good. You are probably not as good.

Mozfarting is hard, because a lot of the places where people play Mozart like for real are quiet and full of people. That sometimes makes me nervous and it is hard to do good ones.

The beginner’s guide to Mozfarting is simple.

Put Mozart on your iPod like this one:

And then take a dump while you listen to it. Play it again if you have to, in case you just played it and didn’t read past it and forgot to take a dump when it was on.

I’ll wait.

Here is the same Mozart again in case you are being stubborn about not dumping and Mozfarting, or in case it was hard to perform with those paintings watching you poop:

This is the easiest way to Mozfart because farts you make while taking a dump totally count.

The other way that is easy is to bring your iPod to the gym with Mozart on it and listen when you are at the gym. That way when you fart at the gym a lot which you do anyway it counts.

You can also have them put it over the speakers and that way everybody can do it, which is a great way to share. And sharing is really what Mozart is all about. And elegance.

If you want to try to fart in a place where Mozart is playing and it is kind of serious, right after you fart, put your pointer finger on the front of your chin, and your thumb underneath your chin, and say “Ah, I see…” in a very dramatic way, like you’re really listening with intensity. Then if anybody asks you if you farted, you can say, “I’m sorry, what?” And then they can be like “You farted!” and you can be like, “Shhh, this is the best part!” and then you can dance around your finger in the air and crinkle your eyebrows and people will think you really like Mozart and not just Mozfarting, even though Mozfarting is twice more awesome. This will help you Mozfart more.

Also, Mozart was totally into farts and poop and stuff. For reals.