Fenzel on Dragon Ball #4: Dragonball Abomination “Z”
My first attempt to write this post failed, so I’m taking off my weighted vest. It’s time to get serious.
Which doesn’t really bring me back to Dragonball: Abomination, but it does mean I got in some quality overthinking.
What is wrong with the movie? A LOT. I’ll close by going over a quick list.
The necessary evils
A lot of the characters are conflated, so that they take details from one character and port them over to another character. This is kind of an awful technique, but it’s useful in managing to recreate memorable franchise scenes without adding exposition, and, used properly, it can help streamline a franchise film’s running time considerably.
This movie has a lot of conflations. Enough that the “necessary evil” rises to the level of “failure in execution.” Almost none of the characters resemble their depictions in the comics or the TV show in meaningful ways. It’s really like they stole the costumes and made a random movie.
It’s an I, Robot level of fidelity to its source material with, inexplicably, far fewer martial arts fights.
Piccolo is conflated with Vegeta and The Emperor Pilaf.
Goku is conflated with Gohan at the beginning of the whole Great Saiyaman nonsense, except without the liberating nonsense.
Grandpa Gohan is conflated with Krillin (the fact that he’s alive at the beginning of the movie should be hint enough as to what’s going to happen) and with Mr. Popo (he even preserves Mr. Popo’s over-the-top racism by having a watermelon patch)
Master Roshi is conflated with Jiraiya from Naruto (they port in training scenes from Naruto and make the kamehameha into a rasengan — a two-directional rotating wind technique. No joke. It’s a really weird choice, but Jiraiya is based on Roshi anyway, so I guess the comparison begs to be made, and I might just be seeing shadows)
Mai, who isn’t a character of even minor note in the original material, is given a much bigger role and conflated with Oolong the shapeshifter during his terrorizing phase, and also with Piccolo’s henchman Tambourine, and also with random generic sci-fi lady in a boob suit, a la Mystique, half the cast of Farscape or Cleopatra 2525 (which might have the highest ratio of theme song quality to actual show quality in television history).
Yamcha, well, he doesn’t do a damned thing. He isn’t even Yamcha.
Chi-Chi is given a much bigger role that is completely different from her original role. I suppose if Goku is Gohan, then Chi-Chi is like Videl, except she doesn’t really do anything Videl does.
The whole love plot in this movie really really sucks, and goes a long way toward ruining it. But doing it in the first place is probably forgiveable. It is Hollywood — they lose their lunch or something if people have some sort of motivations in their lives other than love, determinism, self-sacrifice, mind control, or somebody else yelling at them about the aforementioned things. Hasn’ t a Hollywood writer ever met anyone with a hobby? People do all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons. But I guess it’s too much to expect the Dragon Ball movie to be the one that breaks the mold.
The venal sins
Goku is white. This was the first sign that something was terribly wrong with this movie, but I don’t really mind it, because Goku is an alien and half-monkey, so his race shouldn’t be that important. Besides, to a lot of white people, Goku looks white. But no, it’s pretty clear Goku is supposed to look Chinese, and it would have been nice if they’d cast him as a Chinese guy. On the bright side, it makes it pretty clear that he’s adopted.
The whole thing takes place in a modern-day world with only minor variations from the present. Like, there’s some vague advanced technology, like the Capsules, and the various kung fu fighters, but the world is really mundane and lacks any sense of adventure or whimsy. Plus, a lot of locations that are fairly fantastical are made really boring. The castle of the ox king becomes a McMansion in Beverly Hills or something. Master Roshi’s hut, instead of a tiny island lost in the ocean, is a small apartment in a city.
But again, these are not what ruin the movie.
The mortal sins
The sense of whimsy is almost entirely absent, and the soundtrack is punishingly wrong. Dragon Ball is funny. It’s silly. It’s absurd. This movie is never going to have credibility. So, why is so much time and energy put into somber, reflective scenes, characters moping around, and this constantly dissonant, grinding, driving score that is really unpleasant to listen to? It’s hard to say this about a movie that makes no goddamned sense, but the whole thing is way too serious in all the wrong ways.
It isn’t funny. Well, Chow Yun Fat is really funny when he first shows up, but they kill that quickly. Dragon Ball needs jokes to cut the tension. Jokes and overblown reaction shots. And it doesn’t have them.
Where are the fights? Oh, there are action sequences, but the fights you hoped and dreamed to see in the big Dragon Ball Hollywood movie never happen. There are chase scenes, there are scrambles, there are skirmishes, there are training scenes, but there is never a point in the movie where two characters square off, stare each other down, talk trash for a bit, then have a multi-stage kung fu fight. That is the bread and butter of the franchise. Dragon Ball without the fights is like Transformers without the robots. Like, they just stay cars the entire movie (so that would basically be Herbie the Love Bug, the latest reboot of which had Lindsay Lohan in it, and Megan Fox’s career suddenly makes sense).
There is one scene (ONE!) that lasts about thirty seconds near the end of the movie that looks vaguely like a fight from Dragonball Z. Vaguely. For less than a minute. If that sort of fight had been 80% of the movie and the story totally blew, a lot more people would have watched this movie and bought the DVD (instead of, apparently, just me. You’re welcome, Mr. Yun Fat.)
That’s the biggest unforgiveable sin in the movie.
The characters are confusingly hesitant. People just don’t want to do things in this movie. Goku spends the whole movie figuring out whether or not he is going to stop dicking around and start training seriously and fighting, when we already know he already trains seriously and fights, so his hesitation makes no sense. There are a lot of “Get the Hell on with it, why are you sitting around?” moments in this movie.
It’s another good improv rule that carries over well into certain types of scripted work. Let your characters be good at things already, and have them do stuff rather than talk about doing it. If they are good at what they do, we get to watch them do it well, which is fun, and then they get to move on to what the scene is really about. This movie fails on this constantly.
The whole bullshit with the solar eclipse and the prophesy and the idiotic poem and the horrible “Maybe I don’t have to destroy the earth” moment at the end of the movie.
Just to add insult to injury, this movie contains almost all of my least favorite awful action movie plotting crutches. People escape supernatural mind control just by wanting to, which they for some reason couldn’t do before they did it. Things that have perfectly fine reasons for happening need to happen because of some sort of irrelevant prophesy or destiny that is talked about a lot, but which never exerts any binding force on the characters’ actions and is a waste of everybody’s time.
Ugh, I’m starting to get a stomachache again just thinking about this piece of trash.
Thankfully, I decided to reward myself for watching this movie by also buying myself a copy of the #1 movie in America:
I’m getting psyched! Time to power up once more!
Have you ever wanted to watch a specific movie to feel better about an unfortunate turn of events? Sound off in the comments!
I think that I was not interested in this because, as you point out, the Show itself was so silly. I generally am not interested in something which is unable to take itself seriously on some level, and in that way I always kind of felt that the Dragon Ball show felt false. That being said, a serious rendition of the story might not be bad, if done VERY VERY well. From the sound of it, it was not done well. I feel for your loss. I am a big Star Wars fan, and if some basterdized drivel ever came out with the Star Wars name, i would be decently upset….oh, wait….I feel your pain.
ohlordy! best trailer ever! now i haaave to watch it. and was that chester bennington?? :D
Amen, Brother Fenzel! Yeh, I have always had a live-and-let-live attitude towards bad installments in great franchises, (i always assume that they’re doing their best, and at least they can’t harm the great stuff that’s already there) I’ve never gotten angry over a movie like this before, but when I saw that movie in theaters a couple months back, I was furious. I’d never gotten anywhere near this angry about any piece of pop culture, but I was listing its utter failures to anyone who’d listen. To this day, I can not imagine how a movie couple be made that utterly bad without either intentionally trying to pull into a tailspin or at least being unintentionally funny in its failure.
I think the main thing it lost me on (maybe even more than the things you consider to be the “deadly sins”) was gutting of the innocence out of the show, and mainly out of the Goku. Goku is supposed to be dumb, simplistic and totally unselfconsious, that’s a bit part of what makes him such a lovable character. If he’s not doing slapstick comedy and fighting evil with an enviably clear definition and getting sentimental over the dead and playing with friends then he’s not Goku, he’s just an interchangable, Shia La Bouf-esque teenaged main character who spends 80% of the movie being angsty and self-obsessed and trying to fuck Chi-Chi.
You make a good point when you suggest that maybe he is supposed to be the “Great Saiyaman” but even then I think it’s very possible to make a good movie out of that. In fact, I’d like to suggest that that would actually be serviceable idea for a movie, and quite possibly the direction they should have gone with this movie (so long as they went for it whole-heartedly) because it needs less of the back story, multitudes of characters, and long-term rhythmic pattern that you talked about in the post. I actually quite liked the Great Saiyaman micro-saga or whatever you want to call it. Now granted, I was like 11 at the time so the wish-fulfillment aspect probably played into that, but in my opinion it was like a little revisiting of the original Dragonball in that it was all about the fun, whimsical nature of this world they live in and how this naive, super-powered country boy deals with this strange new world and how others perceive him. Even if it makes no freaking sense that somehow turning super saiyan and having blonde hair makes it TOTALLY inconceivable that anyone would ever notice that he is actually a local student. The problem was that within the first 5 minutes of the movie they failed even that by making him some unlikable dickhead-turned-kung-fu-badass who wanted to show off by beating stereotype jocks into the ground.
I dunno, any thoughts on that?
Anyway, I want to make a special request to you, Fenzel: Can you please give at least a little of your glitched rant on the next podcast? (or at least talk a little more about your thoughts on Dragonball and the movie?) You are always very funny and insightful when you go off on little rants on the podcast, and i’d be interested to hear what the others think on the subject. (even though as non-DBZ fans their observations will be more broad)
I watch “The American President” to feel better. ;p
I think one of the ways I excuse “changes” in screen adaptations is determining whether the changes help to make the screen version a better film, since books and series are different forms of entertainment than movies. How Harry gets what he needs to make it through the task in the lake during the fourth movie was different from the book, to bring Harry Potter as an example, but I thought the way it was done was rather cute and simple, made sense for the film itself, and it even gave a character that had been watered down in other ways a chance to shine in a completely original way (“Oh my God, I’ve killed Harry Potter!”- just about killed me, in a good way).
But from what you say, it sounds like even this isn’t what went on, so the DB movie wasn’t just a bad bit of DB, it was a bad piece of filmmaking in general. Even the music was bad? Yeesh. Having watched a lot of DBZ when in middle school, I was really excited when I first heard about the movie coming out, and I thought the first teaser trailer looked really good (yeah, I know… sorry). But I think my mind was gradually changed as the articles I read about the production while it was being made because the more I knew about it, the less appealing it was to me. Now I’m not sure if I’ll even watch it if it ever comes on cable.
Do you think it could have succeeded if they had taken one of the micro-plots from the series itself and turned it into a movie, leaving the ending “wrapped up” enough to *allude* to bigger things, but at the same time still having decent closure? I’m thinking of an ending like, say, “Batman Begins” or any number of movies where Really Bad Stuff Happens and you know there is all sorts of reconstruction and cleanup to do when the credits start rolling (including getting rid of more baddies or something), but it still feels like that’s a fine place to stop and you’re not freaking out, “OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!?”
Or, let me put it this way. What would *your* DB movie be like?
As I understand it – and Pete, you’ll have to correct me here – the show started out with kung fu fights that were about on par with the kind of stuff you’d find in a Jet Li movie (that is, already superhuman, but not gratuitously supernatural), and that lasted, at most, two episodes. As the show goes on, the fighters get stronger and the fights get longer, so that by the end, people are blowing up entire planets with energy blasts, and a single fight can eat up half of a broadcast season.
An ideal Dragon Ball movie would be a really rigorous compression of the show’s structure. This could be hilarious fun. At the beginning of the film, you’d have people doing wire-fu (or even simpler, Shaw Brothers type fight sequences) that would last no more than ten to fifteen seconds. In the middle, you’d have fight scenes about as long and elaborate as the ones from The Matrix. And then the last, like, 15 minutes of the movie would literally just be devoted to two people doing the ol’ energy blast tug-of-war.
Over the end credits, the surviving characters would collect the dragon balls, wish everyone else back to life, and have a giant cookout.
@ Dan –
I agree, I agree, I agree.
I mean, how many more millions of comic books does this franchise need to sell before the media machine realizes that people _like_ Goku? That there’s nothing wrong with him the way he is, and yeah, he comes off as stupid (although I contend he’s much smarter than he looks, he’s just tremendously naive, innocent, and uneducated in most things).
And besides, if you want angst, you can always bring in Vegeta. It’s a mark of just how incredibly awful this movie is that almost nobody who sees it complains that Vegeta wasn’t in it — which I can almost guarantee you would have been one of the #1 complaints if this movie had been at all serviceable and made about the Demon King Piccolo saga.
And yeah, to both Dan and Gab, playing out any one of the show’s micro-plots would have been better than trying to swallow all of it and failing.
I mean, it’s not like they didn’t make this movie way too complicated anyway, and it’s not like it wasn’t set up for a sequel anyway, so I don’t see what you lose from paring it down. I would have loved to have seen 10 DBZ movies.
@ Jordan —
You are exactly right. It starts out slow, and it builds and builds and builds, and that sort of stylistic approach would have been awesome.
My highest reasonable expectation for the live-action DBZ movie would be of one like you describe — “Man, that movie was stupid, but that half-hour long fight at the end was AWESOME.” If the DBZ movie ended up being totally sacrificed to create one of the most memorable, over-the-top fight scenes in movie history, well, I think almost everybody would be totally fine with that. There would be poetry in it.
@ Gab
My original post included a LOT about how I would have done the Dragonball movie if I had written it. I’ll try to recall as much of it as I can here.
Basically, I had two approaches — make the Dragonball movie and set it up for a sequel, or make the Dragonball Z movie.
The Dragonball movie would lump together the first few searches for the Dragonballs like so —
Idea 1: Turtle School vs. Crane School (this is the more conventional one)
The main arc of this movie is about how the Turtle Hermit and the Crane Hermit have rival kung fu schools and different outlooks on life (“Life is meant to be enjoyed — have fun and try your hardest at everything you do,” vs. “Victory at all costs — murder civilians, fight dirty, be hate your enemies with all that you have.”)
The first villain introduced is the assassin Taopaipai – and we make him work for the Crane school rather than the Red Ribbon Army just to make things simpler. We see Taopaipai kill somebody innocent to take a Dragonball. He has crazy Jet Li level kung fu powers. Maybe they’re in a monastery that is guarding the rice cooker that holds Demon King Piccolo, and in the fight, the rice cooker is cracked.
Then we cut to Bulma meeting Goku. We learn a little bit about the Dragonballs, about how Bulma is looking for a boyfriend, and how Goku’s grandfather died and this is all he has to remember him, so he’s going to go find the others. Maybe we do a little bit of pat pat sex jokes and stuff.
We cut back to Taopaipai and are introduced to Tenshinhan and Chiaotsu. Tien is clearly not very happy with what is going on at the Crane School, but he works hard. Maybe we see him spar Taopaipai (This departs from the series, but Tien is introduced very abruptly in the manga, it’s better to give him a little development). The main contrast in Tien’s life is how much fondness he has for Chiaotsu vs. how much the Crane school tries to train him to be a heartless weapon.
We go back to some random adventures with Goku. I’m tempted to just cut Yamcha altogether. Yamcha sucks. I think what we do . . .
And, oh crap, I just found out that Patrick Swayze died :-(
I have to go take care of that. I will write more on this another time.