Matthew
. . . Link sayeth unto them, Which shall I do then with Kirby?
They all say unto him, “Let him be smashed!”
And the Hero of Time said, “Why, what evil hath he done?”
But they cried out the more, saying, “Let him be smashed!”
When Link saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, “I am innocent of the stock of this just person: see ye to it.”
Then answered all the people, and said, “His stock be on us, and on our children.”
Then released he Donkey Kong unto them: and when he had scourged Kirby and raised his percentage, he delivered him to be smashed.
Then the soldiers of the governor took Kirby into the common hall, and gathered unto him the whole band of soldiers. And they stripped him and put him in a scarlet robe. And when they had platted a crown of thorns, they put it upon his head, and an empty Super Scope in his right hand, and they bowed the knee before him, and mocked him, saying, “Hail, Player 1! SUCCESS!” And they spit upon him, and took the Super Scope, and threw it at his head. And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to smash him.
And as they came out, they found a man of Fire Emblem, Marth by name: him they compelled to carry a barrel. And when they were come unto a place called Final Destination, that is to say, the place of a giant floating hand, they gave him vinegar to drink mixed with gall: and when he had tasted thereof, he would not drink.
My only hope to somehow not get damnation out of this (other than God just being a nice guy/gal, which is pretty much our best hope, now that I think about it) is that some small part of this exercise makes it all a little bit easier to understand or a little more engaging. I don't like my chances.
And they smashed him, and took away his powers, casting lots: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, “Now you’re playing with power.” And sitting down to edgeguard, they watched him drift back toward the level, and set over his head his accusation was written: “PLAYER 1.”
PHARISEE PUNCH! PHARISEE KICK!
Then there were these two Arwing pilots smashed with him, one on the right hand, and another on the left.
And they that passed by reviled him, wagging their heads. And saying “Thou that destroyest the temple, and buildest it in three days, SHOW ME YOUR MOVES, save thyself. If thou be Player 1, SHOW ME YOUR MOVES, climb up off the ledge and back onto the level. SHOW ME YOUR MOVES.”
Likewise also the chief priests mocking him, with the scribes and elders, said, “He saved others, his game he cannot save. If he be Player 1, let him finish the level, and we will believe him. He trusted in his controller, let him deliver him now, if he will have him, for he said, ‘I am Player 1.’” The pilots also, a fox and a bird, which were smashed with him, cast the same in his teeth.
Now from the sixth minute there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth minute. And about the ninth minute Kirby cried with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is to say, “Game! Game! Why do you keep edgeguarding me?”
Some of them that stood there, when they heard that, said, “This man calls for Game and Watch!” And straightaway one of them ran, and got a mop, and forward smashed it into his face.
The rest said, “Let be, let us see whether Game and Watch will come to save him.”
Kirby, when he cried again with a loud voice and missed the ledge, gave up his stock.
Oh, look! Kirby ascended into heaven! And he has an old timey radio show of some sort!
Discuss!
So, what do you think? Does Smashbrotherification make everything better? I’ll leave with a final note.
People complain a lot that the Bible has too much violence in it and shouldn’t be read, and yet the general response to Super Smash Brothers, which is about on par with the Bible in terms of the quantity and enthusiasm of the violence, is passionate, enduring, and full of self-identification and love. Perhaps there is something essential to the Super Smash Brothers style of storytelling, and robbing ourselves of the rock-em, sock-em sensibility takes some of the sincerity out of religion. Perhaps shifting phantasmagoria and shifting vocabulary of symbol, rather than shifting values, are the biggest reasons why people feel distanced from orthodox religious literature.
Is it a good thing or a bad thing to stamp your own image on your sacred stories? How does it help, and how does it hurt? It seems to me part and parcel of the aesthetic that drives pieces like 8-bit Theatre and Dr. McNinja (look for a future article on “Neoninjaism”). Certainly, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies means that now even people who listen to NPR are finally, vaguely cognizant of one of the dominant socio-intellectual trends of the last decade.
I’m looking forward to a spirited discussion that will go off in unpredictable directions, like poison-mushroom Ness being hit by a star rod.
“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
You forgot one part:
And the falcon which was hanged railed on him, saying, “If thou be Player 1, save thyself and us.” But the fox rebuked the falcon, saying, “Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss.” And he said unto Kirby, “Player 1, remember me when thou comest into your kingdom.” And Kirby said unto him, “Verily I say unto thee, Today shalt thou be with me in Green Greens.”
In retrospect, one Biblical verse seems especially apt.
Jesus wept.
I think what makes the King James (and a few other, “traditional” versions) Bible hard to access isn’t the themes or characters themselves, but the diction and archaic formula. This is why there are translations like New Living and such, ones that put it in modern English instead- and, to further make it more accessible, lots of Cliff’s Notes-type things come in these modernized translations.*
Also, there’s the form of media itself: print.
But I think one very successful way both setbacks have been overcome is _Veggie Tales_. I became exposed to the series as an adult, and in college, the place where I was “supposed” to be questioning faith and religion and stuff. And I liked it. I thought there was enough in there for adults to enjoy, whether they themselves knew the stories at first or not. And of course the kids would enjoy it, too. Sure, it’s indoctrination propaganda, but I don’t see how sitting around a TV to learn about David and Goliath is any less of a form of indoctrination than sitting around the table or going to Sunday School to do it. And if it’s a way to entertain the whole family, why not?
I have a question, though. If we’re always so busy trying to find religious allegory in popular culture, why can’t we do a reverse-analysis? Instead of trying to prove how The Hulk is a Christ-like figure, why not prove that Christ is a Hulk-like figure? (Does that make sense?)
*Other texts translated into “modern” English? Shakespeare. There is a whole line of books done similar to the Loeb Classical Library with the Elizabethan English on one side and modern English on the other:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw_0_17?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=shakespeare+made+easy&x=0&y=0&sprefix=shakespeare+made+
@ Gab :
The real thing that makes the KJV so impenetrable is that is a very bad translation, designed more to support James’ prejudices than the the meaning of the text itself. Try the NAS (New American Standard) which is translated directly from the earliest surviving texts, and contains a large amount of multiple possible translations and sidebar explanations. The Bible is not thick, difficult, and literary, KJV is. In fact, one of the problems that early Christianity ran into when proselitizing to the Roman world, is that the style of the text was so plain and everyday, serious thinkers had trouble taking it seriously compared to the literate and high flying rhetoric of the Greek schools of philosophy.
@TheGryphon: Not to be nitpicky, but I *did* say “a few other ‘traditional’ translations,” indicating other translations with similarly archaic wording. I’ll admit that I can’t remember any of the names off the top of my head, but I do know the KJV isn’t the only one written so thickly. I also indicated an awareness of more easily understood versions in my mentioning of the New Living Translation- I’ve seen the NAS, and both do similar things (alternate translations, side-explanations, study questions, summaries, etc.).
Oh, yeah, and I totally feel the KJV, that specific one, was meant to fit James’ personal agenda- it was named after the guy, for crying out loud. No argument there.