Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Brains: Zombieconomics

Today, we present a guest post from ShadowBanker of the excellent blog Ecocomics. As I mentioned in last week’s open thread, we’re big fans here. Along the lines of a couple of our podcast episodes, it presents simple, rational tools for understanding the hordes of undead ravaging the post-apocalyptic world looking for delicious, delicious brains. Enjoy!

Suppose that in 2010 there is a major zombie apocalypse.  Inexplicably, corpses all over the world reanimate and hunt the human race in search of fresh brains.  Now, assume that after years of struggle, the human race prevails and the zombies have been contained on the island formerly known as New Zealand.  What now?  What happens after the great zombie wars?

Tens or hundreds of thousands of people will be converted or killed (perhaps millions).  This significant depopulation would almost surely engender a significant dent in the global economy. As an analogous example, consider the Black Death. This plague had claimed anywhere between 75 and 200 million people in Europe in the 14th century and magnified a recession that had started earlier in the century.  Farm production and output had greatly diminished.  Cheap labor was in high demand by landowners, who competed by offering higher wages.  However, governments had instituted regulations that restricted peasants from earning higher wages or leaving their current positions.  While quality of life did improve for many peasants (more food, higher wages, etc.), there was still much work to be done to straighten out the dent in Europe’s economy.

Yet, all hope is not lost.  Despite all the carnage, death and economic declines that would follow from a zombie apocalypse, the nations of the world could still benefit by integrating the remaining zombies into their economic and social infrastructures.

In the 2004 film Shaun of the Dead, some zombies bagged groceries at supermarkets, some competed in televised athletic shows (similar to Nickelodeon’s Legends of the Hidden Temple), and others even kept friends company.  In the 2006 Canadian film, Fido, a company called Zomcon actually crafted a device to control zombies’ hunger.  Individuals and businesses would then purchase tamed zombies, which would either act as employees in firms or as household servants.  Obviously, a zombie would not possess the mental capacity to perform rocket surgery, but you could surely hire one to work in your factory or paint your fence.

This has some important implications for the economy.  Zombies represent a source of cheap labor and a particularly lucrative source being that they are infinitely undead.    They don’t require any upkeep—no food to survive assuming the government has found a way to curb their hunger, no wages, no health care, no benefits, etc.

In fact, rather than labor, one can view zombies as inexpensive factory tools, which require no maintenance or upgrades.  If a government were to permit the use of zombies in the private sector, businesses would see marked improvements in their annual production levels, GDP would gradually rise, and the economy might stabilize more quickly.

However, there is an even greater implication that film and literature have not directly addressed (as far as I am aware).  The situation described above implies that human beings have discovered the secrets to eternal life—the mystery that philosophers, theologians, biologists and others have been attempting to describe throughout man’s existence.  The answer, as it turns out, is zombiefication.

OK, well not exactly.  Of course, converting a human into a zombie is not exactly an extension of human life.  This is why a zombie is traditionally defined as “undead.”  What humans have discovered, then, is a means of preventing further death.  Indeed, should one decide, he or she could subject him or herself to the bite of an existing zombie and convert into one prior to his or her own expiration.

Consequently, if ever there was a labor shortage, the United States could recruit individuals to voluntarily turn into zombies prior to their deaths and live out their remaining eternities as undead corpses helping to boost the economy.  Why would anybody voluntarily choose to endure this “life”-style?   Easy—the United States government would provide them with incentives to do so during their lives.

Suppose the US government offered benefits to youth—perhaps as subsidies towards tuition, job benefits, or even simple monetary payments—if they contracted their eternal “lives” to the government.  I predict a large take-up rate, particularly among the nation’s younger individuals or those in particular need of such benefits.  The older-age populations would likely be more difficult to convince, as they would, on average, have a shorter time to collect on government benefit programs.

This notion of zombie recruitment does have downsides.   First, there would be considerable political upheaval.  The idea of sacrificing the experience of a proper death is unprecedented and many families might not be comfortable with the idea of their loved ones spending eternity as a rotting corpse.  Secondly, governments would have to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that zombies are, in fact, mindless.  Otherwise, associations such as the National Association for the Advancement of Undead People (NAAUP) would gain considerable political influence.  Beyond this, a larger zombie workforce might diminish job opportunities for living humans, which would exacerbate the United States’ already considerable immigration debate.

There also might be a significant moral hazard problem:  Suppose the government paid you to become a zombie once you turn 65.  You could conceivably collect the benefits and then flee the country before meeting your obligation (although the US would likely establish a clause stipulating that in such events, your family members would incur penalties).  Further, individuals could get killed prior to the time when he or she would have to fulfill his duty to become a zombie.  The governments would have to account for such incidents, which could mean lower benefits for high-risk individuals (similar to insurance premiums).

All in all, don’t panic.  With economics on your side, the zombie apocalypse won’t be the end of the world.

Find more from the author at Ecocomics.