2. Let the Motherf—er Burn (Various, but originally recorded by Rock Master Scott and the Dynamic Three) — You’ve got to admire the lengths this classic, oft-used lyric takes to request you to do nothing. It raises the stakes of idleness to the point of possible self-immolation and insurance fraud.
Of course, I’m not a fireman, so this is something I was going to do anyway. Although, frankly, I would have called the fire department. This lyric appears in a lot of songs, but it rarely specifies whether calling the fire department or not would be acceptable, as long as they used some sort of non water-based extinguishing agent, like carbon dioxide foam or something.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20wLsrEE2qc
(By the by, the Wikipedia article for “The Roof is On Fire” lists 31 other musical artists who have covered or referenced the song. That is champion-quality laziness!)
1. Let Me Clear My Throat (DJ Kool) — I don’t think there has ever been a time in my entire life when I’ve had even the impulse, let alone the desire, to stop someone from clearing his throat — maybe once in a college lecture when the professor had just eaten a bunch of Tostitos or something.
Not only that, if I wanted to stop somebody from clearing his throat, I wouldn’t have the slightest idea how to go about it. I doubt that asking would be sufficient — you know the guy would either rag on you, saying it’s involuntary or you’re crazy, or he’d just be thinking about clearing his throat more because you mentioned it, and then he’d try to do as you asked, but he’d build up the rationalization that he could get away with it just this once, and then, throat-clear city.
DJ Kool definitely wins the award for asking simply that I refrain from doing something rude and nigh-impossible that I’ve never even considered attempting. Let you clear your throat? I never would have dreamed of slowing you down! Clear away, Mr. Kool!
Talk about easy.
I’m almost tempted to freeze or make noise when he starts talking about people having real fingernails or something. But not quite.
Just watch, though, now that you’ve read this, it’s going to be like “Don’t think about Abraham Lincoln!” or “Don’t think about a pink elephant!” or “Don’t think about Abraham Lincoln riding a pink elephant!” Where you wouldn’t have done it to begin with, all of a sudden, you’re going to want to stop people around you from clearing their throats.
If that happens, please — cue up the song and do what the man says.
First of all, amazing work as always.
Secondly, there’s a new song that a strong contender for this list: “Move (If You Wanna)” by Mims.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XETF5RZ6LYE
I love that they bothered to put that subtitle in there. It’s like just asking people to move was a little too bossy. The message of the song is, feel free to do absolutely anything, but only if you feel like it.
“Superman that ho” from “Crank that Soulja Boy” is either a very easy or very difficult thing for a dance song to ask of you, depending on if you interpret the command as a dance move or as…something else. (Look it up in the Urban Dictionary if you don’t know what I’m talking about)
I would add “Do the Standing Still” by The Dismemberment Plan, a DC Post-Punk Band (let’s see how this embed works…. I love me some grooveshark):
And no, embedding a song player didn’t work, as I suspected. At any rate go listen to the song on grooveshark (or any other purveyor of fine streaming music!)
“Don’t stop; keep on doin’ what you’re doin’.
Gotta keep movin”
Are you thinking of Bad Eyes, by Madonna?
“Get up on the dance floor
Everything is groovin’
Get up on the dance floor
Got to see you movin’
Let the music shake you
Let the rhythm take you
Feel it in your body
Sing la de da de
Don’t stop doin’ what you’re doin’ baby
Don’t stop, keep movin’, keep groovin’
Don’t stop doin’ what you’re doin’ baby
Don’t stop, keep movin’, keep groovin'”
etc, etc
@Sheely: thanks for the Grooveshark love! Sorry the embed didn’t work, but you can try using http://tinysong.com to get a short link to the tune you mentioned on Grooveshark.
btw, nice tune.
<3
ben+grooveshark
Excellent piece, Fenzel, and I think you hit the nail on the head with no. 3, “Keep on doin’ what you’re doin'”. (Likewise DaveW in the comments.) These instructions are consistent with Newton’s First Law, which states that in the absence of an external force, an object in motion will continue in motion and an object at rest will remain at rest.
Other Newton-friendly dance songs include “Hella Good”, where Gwen Stefani asks us to “Keep on dancing”, and “Keeping It Moving”, wherein A Tribe Called Quest speaks in praise of keeping it moving – which takes no effort at all, assuming that the coefficient of kinetic friction is zero and the initial velocity is non-zero.
However, it is surprising how many popular dance songs ask us to stop.
1. “The Humpty Dance” begins, “Alright, Stop what you’re doing, ’cause I’m about to ruin the image and the style that you’re used to.” Perhaps Humpty Hump is notifying us that classical physics is obsolete, and we should ignore Newton’s laws, because he is about to drop some 20th-century science like the Enola Gay.
2. “U Can’t Touch This” directs listeners to stop solely because it is Hammertime. It is my opinion that this is hardly worth the effort; I would prefer to reinterpret the line as a command to prevent Hammertime from occurring.
3. “Ice, Ice, Baby” immediately strains the limits of our working memory and social skills, by asking us to “Stop, collaborate and listen.” That’s a fairly complex task, to begin with, and executing it requires not only defying our inertia but defying the increasingly solipsistic and inattentive tendencies of the modern office worker.
@DaveW —
Nope, I tried that one when I was searching; it’s not it.
Good attempt, though!
@Ben- Wow, you groovesharks sure do circle the waters of the internet quite well, looking to ensure a high-quality user experience. Thanks for the referral to Tiny Song. FWIW, here is “Do The Standing Still”:
http://tinysong.com/3N51
Heh, sucks when google lets you down… Have you been trying to find out what the song is called since August 2005?
It seems to me that this post should have a companion piece. Something like: “The 10 Most Demanding Pop Song Titles.”
“Hit Me Baby One More Time”
“Testify” (Rage Against the Machine)
“Take Me with U”
others?
I may be a lady, but if I’m not feeling like a pimp and am not a… well… you know… would I still have to follow Jay-Z’s instructions?
I noticed a number of the songs you picked had other requests/demands in them apart from what you focused on. Lots of stuff about turning up music and clapping hands.
Just for fun: “The Time Warp.” Let’s do it again. Come on, you know you want to.
Song title: “Kiss Me.” It’s not a request, but a command, in the age where consent is sexy- pretty bold stuff. “F*** the System” by System of a Down (not the system being f***ed) is pretty high-level demanding, too. And here’s another one: “Cry Me a River” by Justin Timberlake. It really does make me sad about it, after all, and I’m not even the one that did anything; and it sarcasm gives it a nuance others don’t have. (I could keep going and going…) But Wrather, I noticed how Rage was the only artist you specifically pointed out. Any particular reason why?
And most demanding song period: “The Hokey Pokey.” Not only is it filled with order after order, but it’s also incredibly arrogant. I mean, presuming its own existence is what everything is all about. Hmph.
@Wrather
The most demanding song title ever? That’s easy:
“Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car.”
It takes a special man to have a #1 hit song that combines some of the creepiest and brashest demands of stalkers and child molesters.
That special man is Billy Ocean. And his song is awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d0rDz3PKX0
Any other clues about the mystery song? (Is the singer a man or a woman? Do you remember the song’s genre, or at least the general mood?)
I’m guessing your googling would have already turned up Bobby Byrd’s “Keep on Doing What You’re Doing,” but that’s no reason not to post a link to it, since it’s an awesome song even if it’s not what you’re looking for.
the image of obama in the featured content is perfect. Who gets kudos for that? lee?
@neubauer, I think Barack Obama gets credit for that one: http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=brush%20shoulders&sourceid=navclient-ff&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi
As for easy things that songs ask for, how about the moment in Toots & the Maytal’s “54-46 That’s My Number” where he tells the audience to “Hear me now!” This isn’t necessarily easy for everyone, but the target audience — those listening to the song — have already complied.
@lee: I remember when Obama did it during the campaign. My question was, who decided to use the image with the article? I still think it’s you. No one else has stepped up to take credit.
Mystery song: “Keep Keep Movin”, Dub Pistols. It was on the Mystery Men soundtrack.
Keep On Doin’ – The Isley Bros.! Compare the sample at http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Isley-Brothers/dp/samples/B0002JP1W6
Britain’s The Table also had a single called “Do the Standing Still (Classics Illustrated)”. Also there was Martin Mull’s “Do the Nothing”.