7. Stand in the line for the bathroom (N.E.R.D.) — This was almost an honorable mention. “All the girls standing in the line for the bathroom” from “Everyone Nose” isn’t a request, but it reaches out to the people who happen to be doing something at the club other than those dancing at the moment or on the verge of dancing. Not a lot of songs do that. Plus, it has the courtesy to celebrate these dancers for who they are rather than demand that they pretend they don’t care about things by raising their hands and stuff.
Pharrell and the rest of N.E.R.D. have always looked to innovate and pushed the envelope, and here they’ve found a way to tell people to do something without telling them to do it — they just find something people are already doing and reinforce it; celebrate it. I commend their vision. (And because yet more people are uptight about embedding, here’s random people lip-syncing).
6. Dance if you want to (Men Without Hats) — I like the Men Without Hats, because they give you an option. You don’t have to dance. You can dance if you want to. If you do, you’ll end up doing the Safety Dance (whatever that is) with the Men Without Hats. If you don’t, they probably aren’t going to be your friend. And that’s fine, because if you don’t want to dance, it’s a safe bet you also don’t want to be friends with 80’s new wave dance/pop groups. It’s good that they set that down, because it’s going to make sure that they get to hang out with the people who really want to hang out with them, instead of all the people who are just doing it to be nice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcOZ6xFxJqg
I also like that the Men Without Hats leave open the possibility that they’re not going to dance either. It’s not “You can dance with me, because I’ll be dancing anyway” — It’s all conditional.
“We can dance if we want to. We can leave your friends behind.”
“Sure, Men Without Hats! Sounds great!”
“On second thought, nah, I don’t really want to. Let’s keep hanging out with your friends.”
First of all, amazing work as always.
Secondly, there’s a new song that a strong contender for this list: “Move (If You Wanna)” by Mims.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XETF5RZ6LYE
I love that they bothered to put that subtitle in there. It’s like just asking people to move was a little too bossy. The message of the song is, feel free to do absolutely anything, but only if you feel like it.
“Superman that ho” from “Crank that Soulja Boy” is either a very easy or very difficult thing for a dance song to ask of you, depending on if you interpret the command as a dance move or as…something else. (Look it up in the Urban Dictionary if you don’t know what I’m talking about)
I would add “Do the Standing Still” by The Dismemberment Plan, a DC Post-Punk Band (let’s see how this embed works…. I love me some grooveshark):
And no, embedding a song player didn’t work, as I suspected. At any rate go listen to the song on grooveshark (or any other purveyor of fine streaming music!)
“Don’t stop; keep on doin’ what you’re doin’.
Gotta keep movin”
Are you thinking of Bad Eyes, by Madonna?
“Get up on the dance floor
Everything is groovin’
Get up on the dance floor
Got to see you movin’
Let the music shake you
Let the rhythm take you
Feel it in your body
Sing la de da de
Don’t stop doin’ what you’re doin’ baby
Don’t stop, keep movin’, keep groovin’
Don’t stop doin’ what you’re doin’ baby
Don’t stop, keep movin’, keep groovin'”
etc, etc
@Sheely: thanks for the Grooveshark love! Sorry the embed didn’t work, but you can try using http://tinysong.com to get a short link to the tune you mentioned on Grooveshark.
btw, nice tune.
<3
ben+grooveshark
Excellent piece, Fenzel, and I think you hit the nail on the head with no. 3, “Keep on doin’ what you’re doin'”. (Likewise DaveW in the comments.) These instructions are consistent with Newton’s First Law, which states that in the absence of an external force, an object in motion will continue in motion and an object at rest will remain at rest.
Other Newton-friendly dance songs include “Hella Good”, where Gwen Stefani asks us to “Keep on dancing”, and “Keeping It Moving”, wherein A Tribe Called Quest speaks in praise of keeping it moving – which takes no effort at all, assuming that the coefficient of kinetic friction is zero and the initial velocity is non-zero.
However, it is surprising how many popular dance songs ask us to stop.
1. “The Humpty Dance” begins, “Alright, Stop what you’re doing, ’cause I’m about to ruin the image and the style that you’re used to.” Perhaps Humpty Hump is notifying us that classical physics is obsolete, and we should ignore Newton’s laws, because he is about to drop some 20th-century science like the Enola Gay.
2. “U Can’t Touch This” directs listeners to stop solely because it is Hammertime. It is my opinion that this is hardly worth the effort; I would prefer to reinterpret the line as a command to prevent Hammertime from occurring.
3. “Ice, Ice, Baby” immediately strains the limits of our working memory and social skills, by asking us to “Stop, collaborate and listen.” That’s a fairly complex task, to begin with, and executing it requires not only defying our inertia but defying the increasingly solipsistic and inattentive tendencies of the modern office worker.
@DaveW —
Nope, I tried that one when I was searching; it’s not it.
Good attempt, though!
@Ben- Wow, you groovesharks sure do circle the waters of the internet quite well, looking to ensure a high-quality user experience. Thanks for the referral to Tiny Song. FWIW, here is “Do The Standing Still”:
http://tinysong.com/3N51
Heh, sucks when google lets you down… Have you been trying to find out what the song is called since August 2005?
It seems to me that this post should have a companion piece. Something like: “The 10 Most Demanding Pop Song Titles.”
“Hit Me Baby One More Time”
“Testify” (Rage Against the Machine)
“Take Me with U”
others?
I may be a lady, but if I’m not feeling like a pimp and am not a… well… you know… would I still have to follow Jay-Z’s instructions?
I noticed a number of the songs you picked had other requests/demands in them apart from what you focused on. Lots of stuff about turning up music and clapping hands.
Just for fun: “The Time Warp.” Let’s do it again. Come on, you know you want to.
Song title: “Kiss Me.” It’s not a request, but a command, in the age where consent is sexy- pretty bold stuff. “F*** the System” by System of a Down (not the system being f***ed) is pretty high-level demanding, too. And here’s another one: “Cry Me a River” by Justin Timberlake. It really does make me sad about it, after all, and I’m not even the one that did anything; and it sarcasm gives it a nuance others don’t have. (I could keep going and going…) But Wrather, I noticed how Rage was the only artist you specifically pointed out. Any particular reason why?
And most demanding song period: “The Hokey Pokey.” Not only is it filled with order after order, but it’s also incredibly arrogant. I mean, presuming its own existence is what everything is all about. Hmph.
@Wrather
The most demanding song title ever? That’s easy:
“Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car.”
It takes a special man to have a #1 hit song that combines some of the creepiest and brashest demands of stalkers and child molesters.
That special man is Billy Ocean. And his song is awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d0rDz3PKX0
Any other clues about the mystery song? (Is the singer a man or a woman? Do you remember the song’s genre, or at least the general mood?)
I’m guessing your googling would have already turned up Bobby Byrd’s “Keep on Doing What You’re Doing,” but that’s no reason not to post a link to it, since it’s an awesome song even if it’s not what you’re looking for.
the image of obama in the featured content is perfect. Who gets kudos for that? lee?
@neubauer, I think Barack Obama gets credit for that one: http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=brush%20shoulders&sourceid=navclient-ff&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi
As for easy things that songs ask for, how about the moment in Toots & the Maytal’s “54-46 That’s My Number” where he tells the audience to “Hear me now!” This isn’t necessarily easy for everyone, but the target audience — those listening to the song — have already complied.
@lee: I remember when Obama did it during the campaign. My question was, who decided to use the image with the article? I still think it’s you. No one else has stepped up to take credit.
Mystery song: “Keep Keep Movin”, Dub Pistols. It was on the Mystery Men soundtrack.
Keep On Doin’ – The Isley Bros.! Compare the sample at http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Isley-Brothers/dp/samples/B0002JP1W6
Britain’s The Table also had a single called “Do the Standing Still (Classics Illustrated)”. Also there was Martin Mull’s “Do the Nothing”.