From the “old news but new news to me” file comes this interesting tidbit: Hollywood is in pre-pre-production for a live-action Cowboy Bebop movie. (It’s an anime.) This news, of course, initiated my brain’s usual protocol:
10: Become excited
20: Wait
30: Frown and realize this is Hollywood we’re talking about
40: GOTO Wikipedia
50: Read related article
60: If famous and good production company/director/actor/writer is attached, GOTO 10
70: If famous and bad production company/director/actor/writer is attached, GOTO 30
For instance, I recently learned that a live-action film of Avatar: The Last Airbender was in the works. Then I learned M. Night Shyamalan was attached to direct. GOTO 30.
Well, take that mild disappointment and magnify by twelve and you get my feelings about the Cowboy Bebop movie. Because Cowboy Bebop is my favorite anime. Because it reeks of style and is clever and witty and has wonderful dialogue and character development.
And because Keanu Reeves is attached.
AAH! my brain screamed. Dissonant violin chords a la Psycho or There Will Be Blood wailed in my brain. Keanu Reeves! Keanu…Reeves! Why, gods of Hollywood? Why would you pick your greatest running joke [besides Tom Cruise] to play Spike Spiegel?
But when my brain finally calmed down – it had melted into some ooze from thinking of Keanu’s acting for too long – I had an epiphany. Keanu was actually kind of a perfect choice:
Spike Spiegel, Cowboy Bebop’s main character:
- Is thought to be cooler than he actually is
- Is famous for a one word catch phrase
- Has a tragic past involving a girlfriend
- Is from another planet
- Knows kung fu
Keanu Reeves:
- Is thought to be cooler than he actually is
- Is famous for a one word catch phrase
- Has a tragic past involving a girlfriend
- Is thought to be from another planet, but he’s actually just from Canada
- Knows kung fu
So maybe Hollywood didn’t get it wrong, after all. Anyway, how can I badmouth Hollywood execs for doing what they do best: taking well-known, popular franchises from other countries and media and making them all the more profitable by adding the most famous actors and directors available, regardless of whether or not they would fit the film.
I’ve tried it, myself, and I’ve got to admit, it’s a fun job:
Zac Efron would also be good in Death Note. Just saying.
But, you know, Hollywood – and I know you’re listening – you could also go the other way around and make a good profit, too. Instead of taking good, serious franchises and making them silly by casting Keanu-type actors and adding extra boobs and explosions, you can take good or even mildly silly franchises and make them even better by casting good actors and adding extra themes and production values. Look at Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings and Chris Nolan’s Batman movies. Those made plenty of money without Keanu Reeves or Vin Diesel or Michael Bay. I have an idea:
I was also thinking Adrien Brody as Ash Ketchum? Hollywood? You still there? Hello? Hello?
Great post.
How about you split the difference, and do a Dragonball movie with the random pretty boy from War of the Worlds as Goku, but with Chow Yun Fat as Master Roshi and Spike from Buffy as Piccolo?
Oh, wait . . . crap . . .
If you’re despairing, I’d refer you to _Constantine_, which, while kind of a huge travesty to _Hellblazer_ fans, was actually a perfectly serviceable PG-13 action movie.
So as long as you appreciate the movie for what it is and don’t have an abiding personal affection for the source material, you should be fine.
Oh, wait . . . crap . . .
Or maybe they should do a _Fullmetal Alchemist_ movie with Macauley Kulkin and Stephen Hawking as Edward and Alphonse Elric, respectively.
Or, you know, disrespectively.
Also, it’s a darned shame Zac Effron is now too old to play Naruto.
One more –
Bo Jackson needs to play Bobobo-bobo Bo-bobo
Pete –
But on the bright side, Zac Effron will soon be old enough to play Neruda. Little bit of a resemblance, no?
http://cokokane.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/neruda-21.jpg
– Matt
Ode to a Ninja, by Pablo Naruto
This ninja
in the secret teenage ninja training school
I once knew as a nine tailed fox god.
I know
you won’t
believe me
but the fox god
is really sealed
in this boy.
But no one cares.
The fanfiction community
sings, sings of
Sasuke
and how hot he is.
On the Internet
a voice resounds:
“Oh Sasuke,
You’re so hawt.”
¡Créalo!
Mlawski handed me the Dorkie™ award for excellence in pointlessly intellectual jokes just a week or so ago… but it looks like it’s already time for me to give it back. Well played.
I heard rumors about a Sailor Moon movie like ten years ago, starring Alicia Silverstone, Sigourney Weaver, and Johnny Depp. My objection was they were going to use the dub names (Serena and Darien instead of Usagi and Mamoru) and set it somewhere like New York instead of Tokyo. I was only, what, twelve at the time? A little naive. My objection now would be like yours, consisting mostly of a fear of the story and characters being mangled. I’d especially be offended today since SM was my first anime and still holds a special place in my heart.
WTF would M Night do to Avatar? I tremble at the thought of the effed-up twist he’d concoct. Is Appa going to end up being the dragon from The Neverending Story in disguise? Or maybe Zuko will be Aang’s reincarnated father or some jazz…
And I still don’t think Keanau Reeves could pull off Spike, although you do make a good case. Alas, your argument has more to do with backstory than stage presence. Keanaus’s backstory won’t help him act. Spike’s charisma comes not just from his dashing good looks, but also his PERSONALITY. Reeves is too robotic to depict that. I’ve often wondered if he’s actually an android.
Wait… IS HE A TERMINATOR?
I don’t want to think about an American Deathnote. I’m seriously forcing myself not to think of casting and director options right now because… bah… twitch… I think the only way I’d be able to stand it is if someone epic like Jeremy Irons or Alan Rickman or Tom Hanks was worked in somehow.
(And note how ridiculously those Sailor Moon costumes translated from anime/manga to real-life. I know I’ve talked about costume-on-page to costume-onscreen: great example of how it sometimes just DOES NOT WORK if you keep it “true” to the original.) (And is the one on the far left supposed to be Jupiter? Cuz her outfit SO didn’t have different shades of green on the skirt, her bows were pink, and she had green, laced ankle boots. If they’re going to do it, they should go all-out.)
Ha! I actually start at 30.
“40: GOTO Wikipedia”
It would be imdb if it weren’t for that “pro” bullshit…
The whole video is awesome, but at about 1:20, he starts talking about Reeves. He says it nicely.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3opkxse9E8Q