Convicted felon Ted Stevens has lost his re-election bid for the Alaska Senate seat which he held for the last, oh, eleventy-hundred years. While in the Senate, Stevens gained notoriety for bringing home epic quantities of pork barrel projects, being convicted of a felony, and, how could we forget, comparing the Internet to a series of tubes during a debate on Net Neutrality legislation:
They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It’s not a truck. It’s a series of tubes. And if you don’t understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.
But now that Alaskans have routed him from office by a whopping 3,724 vote margin, we must now deal with the aftermath of his absence from the Senate.
The Internet is no longer a series of tubes.
Just as Alaska has moved on and found another Senator, we, too must move on and find another ridiculously inaccurate characterization for the Internet. Help me out after the jump:
1. The Internet is a pulled pork sandwich.
The internet is basically like this.
The barbecue sauce is like information, you see. And the pork, that’s like the computers and servers that are the meat of it all. But sometimes there’s so much sauce, so much information, that it overwhelms the meat and just winds up into your lap.
2. The Internet is an episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
This is pretty much how the Internet works.
Well, there are these machines, and they’re very smart. And this whole time travel thing: just like the back and forward buttons on a web browser. Also, I’m pretty sure there’s at least one hot teenage girl in the Internet.
3. The Internet is Bob Barker’s Price is Right microphone.
Simple user interface
At the end of the day, it’s a tool for communication.
And finally,
4. The Internet is a stack of porno magazines.
There are a lot of articles in that stack of magazines. A whole lot of articles.
My fellow Overthinkers, let’s keep Senator Stevens’ flame burning brightly. Show me your best inaccurate Internet characterizations in the comments.
“The Internet isn’t a can opener, where it can get you beans or spinach, it’s like a Yu-Gi-Oh! card face down on the field.”
“So, you’re saying the Internet is like a Yu-Gi-Oh! card, but you’ll soon be defeated.”
“What is he saying?”
“He’s saying it’s like a Yu-Gi-Oh! card! The Internet! It’s like it’s face down on the field!”
“That’s right. The Internet is like a Yu-Gi-Oh! card face down on the field, and you’re about to find out it’s special ability.”
“Special ability?!”
“That’s right! The internet isn’t just like a Yu-Gi-Oh! card, it’s like one face down on the field. And, it has a special ability.”
The internet’s a web of course. The information get’s carried around by little spiders. The bad spiders trap it and eat the info.
You know, the Internet is not NOT a series of tubes.
Your mom is a series of tubes.
And I send my packets through them using TCP/IP.
BBQ sandwich with slaw? noooooooo
And why no example pic of a porn mag?
The internet is like a staple. It helps hold things together, but also pokes holes in it.
The Internet is an attractive ass. It has a lot of shit in it, but people still spend a lot of time looking at it.
Why no example pic of a porn mag?
Trying to keep this site SFW and off of corporate IT filter lists. I spend a lot of time on this site at work, as I suspect many of our readers do.
The Internet is the _Twilight_ saga: painfully addicting, rampant with grammatical errors, bombarding its captives with guilty pleasure, time-consuming, and breeding ground for all sorts of douchebaggery and absurdity while interspersed with some decent bits.