So last night I was randomly wikipedia-ing Craig Thompson (points if you know who he is), and when I saw his picture, I said, “Holy crap! He looks exactly like Sufjan Stevens (points if you know who he is)!”

The more I looked, the creepier the similarities became. Besides both having

• windswept hair the color of dew beaded raven down

and

• piercing, limpid green eyes that allow us to peer into their unfathomable souls

but they also were both

• born in Michigan

• born in 1975

• Fundamentalist Christians who had a crisis of faith that they explore through their art

• bittersweetly optimistic

• beloved of hipster females

It is bizarre! How could they have so much in common? Really, there was only one answer.

THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON.

It’s like Paul Dano’s “brother” characters in There Will Be Blood. Just as Paul Thomas Anderson used tricky casting to keep Oscar judges on their toes, the Brooklyn-based Jewish indie media conspiracy has done the same thing to keep the hipsters at bay so they don’t take over the universe as is their wont.

Speaking of Paul Dano, he and Wil Wheaton are the same person.